perfect sound forever

Today, Tonight

I'm feeling a little better than I did last night. Thanks to Jin for bringing me that J for my b-day--it helped immensely!!!

I have to make a change in my life. That's it. I will make it happen. It may take time, but I'm going to start working on it now. Case closed.

Thank God today is Thursday! I have computer training this morning, and then I'm gonna tackle my to-do list in the biggest way.

Tonight, I think Allan and I are going to go to this DKNY party in Chelsea. Dave Gahan (of Depeche Mode fame) and Helena Christensen (of modeling and NYLON fame) are spinning. There are supposed to be all these celeb guests (Beck, Marc Jacobs, Maggie Gyllenhaal), but we'll see who actually shows up. When Suzanne and I went to Coachella, we went to one of their parties at this sick house, and even though it was fun, really the only "celeb" we saw was the guy who played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. Although, he was poppin' and lockin' up a storm, while my friend Jauretsi spun. But I was hoping for Paul from Interpol....

These things always bring me back to my Paper magazine days, when Jacq and I were rubbing elbows (and for Jacq, quite possibly other things) with cute male models, while eavesdropping on Parker Posey and sucking back free drinks at Spy. Remember Spy? Too funny.

I've officially traded fun and glamour for...I dunno what. Hard work, banality, and money?

My Life As I Know It...

is over. I hate to be dramatic, but it's 8:30 and I'm sitting here at my desk crying. I am here alone. I will be back here at 7 a.m., because of a last-minute assignment.

My to-do list is two pages, typed (12 point), and stapled. In the grand scheme of things very little seems to get crossed off, because so much is constantly added. So much is due and it's absolutely overwhelming. I have no one to help me and the "special projects" just keep coming. Somehow it all comes back to me--people say they want to help, but they don't.

I have so many things I am responsible for--I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am so unhappy. I have lost interest in almost everything that once defined me. I don't have time to practice yoga anymore. I don't have time to go to shows anymore. I don't have time to read magazines and be up on the latest bands, styles, art, people anymore.

I took one day off all summer, and I didn't take one single of my "leave at 3 if it's not busy" Summer Fridays.

I'm surprised I still have any friends.

My birthday weekend was fun, but it seems like a billion years ago. Thanks to everyone who helped me celebrate, sent me cards, called, etc. 

Summer Friday?

I may get out at 3? Likely? Not likely.

It's Amazing

It never ceases to amaze me how hard dating can be in New York. What blows my mind even more is how desperate it makes people. More on that later.

Okay I'm back. I think Jinners thought I meant me, but no I mean one of my friends. Actually former friend.

I guess I basically couldn't take feeling bad (or trying to pretend I didn't) anymore. (I literally felt sick to my stomach when this person mentioned she might be crashing our Beach Club's trip to Long Beach last weekend.) It ended up being more a respect thing between the two of us than about the guy. It sucks when someone who you look out for (and who's supposed to be looking out for you, too) tries to justify (and talk you out of being mad about) her decision to basically put herself first in a situation, which she knew was wrong. It's like her saying, "I don't care about your hopes, dreams, or feelings."

Official friends' rule: If you know one of your really good friends is interested in someone, you don't hook up with him. And you don't lie about it afterward. And you don't keep asking your friend how she feels about you dating him, if you're going to keep doing what you want regardless of her feelings.

In happier news, though, my birthday party is this Sunday! Former friend is not invited.